Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead. This Jordanian-born Al Qaeda leader departed this life courtesy of the American military. Zarqawi’s heinous activities and violent past are a matter of public record. He’s the guy who used a knife to saw off the head of reporter Daniel Pearl – an excruciating seven-minute murder recorded on film. Zarqawi’s dossier of terrorism and murder ranks with the worst the world has ever known. He also cut the throat of Nick Berg. Zarqawi will not be missed.
Reports are that Zarqawi survived the bomb blast, finally succumbing to his wounds less than an hour later. Two five hundred pound bombs leveled the “safe” house he and his henchmen were staying in. The blast would have sent reinforced chunks of concrete flying around the interior of the house slamming into anything softer, thus causing irreparable damage. Even though he survived the initial blast, he was certainly going to die from his injuries.
The question, nonetheless, has been raised: Did our Special Forces guys who arrived within minutes of the blast drag him out of an ambulance, stomp on his chest, cause blood to come out his nose? If you absolutely believe this dribble, then stop reading this article right now. You’d be wasting your time.
Allow me to remind you of a few things. First, the United States is a peace-loving country. We really do want to get along with everyone else in the world. That is what we choose. But when others threaten or attack our friends and neighbors, we will react. And when they threaten us or attack us, stand by. Life as they know it will change – dramatically!
Second, we are passionate about freedom – and not just our own – but anyone’s. This is why you see Marines, sailors, soldiers, and airmen volunteering to do two, three, or more tours of duty in Afghanistan and Iraq. We have set an enslaved people free.
Third, our military, like all militaries in the history of the world, is required to do the dirty-work of war – that is – to kill people and break things. We do what must be done and then we come home. But there’s a distinction between our military and virtually every other military that has ever walked the face of this earth: We are compassionate. We care about others, even in the midst of war’s carnage. One of my favorite pictures was taken during the March to Baghdad in early 2003 where a young Marine is using the fireman’s carry to bring a wounded Republican Guard Iraqi soldier to our medical people for treatment, all this taking place while bullets are flying!
Another example of our compassion is the capture of Saddam Hussein in December of 2003. Now here you have a young soldier who pulls back the cover of the spider hole the former president of Iraq was occupying. Did this young warrior put a bullet through the skull of this mass-murderer? No. Many wish that he would have, thus saving us a lot of trouble, especially now having to listen to him rant in a free courtroom in this now democratic country. Instead, the soldier said something like, “President Bush sends his greetings!” and then tells the fallen leader to get out of the hole.
U.S. Army Capt. Dan Sukman, in a Soldier’s Diary for FOXNews.com Internet news site, writes from Baghdad about the death of Zarqawi, “I have said before that this war is a marathon, and not a sprint. Other than a ‘Wow, we killed him,’ the effects on the solders here seem to be minimal. They are minimal because there is no real time to celebrate. When these things happen, we do not go out to a bar to talk about the great work that has been done. We don't let our guard down, we don't stop working. When the FBI captures the most wanted criminal, the FBI does not shutdown, they go after the next guy, and we do the same.”
It has been reported that our military medical folks attempted to save Zarqawi. That would be in keeping with our compassionate nature. The description of what our soldiers allegedly did fits the profile of the enemy, not us. We do not drag the dead body through the streets, yelling and shouting invectives against the enemy. More likely we heave a sigh of relief that one who has been so vicious an enemy is no longer a problem for us. Then we move on to the next mission. Simply put, we do not gloat – but we do get the job done.
Our military is the best in the world. They are highly trained, performing admirably under the most severe circumstances imaginable. They will do their job well, with only the desire to return home to their families and friends, where they can once again resume their lives unimpeded by the nasty business of war.
Solomon wrote some three thousand years ago, “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him.”
Ours is a history of rebuilding the nations we have defeated in war. That hasn’t changed. It could well be said that the United States is a “No Gloating Zone.”
God bless America!
Marines.Together We Served
Monday, June 19, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Las Vegas Lament
Commercials are designed to sell the public on something they probably do not need in the first place. When it comes to the recent string of television commercials touting the many pleasures that await in Las Vegas, well, your imagination can get the better of you. It’s tantalizing stuff.
The Las Vegas theme says, “What happens here stays here.” Interpretation: Come and play to your hearts delight and nobody ever needs to know. No doubt you’ve seen some of these advertisements. The most recent one shows a woman unpacking her suitcase. Her husband sheepishly ventures into the bedroom and says something like, “So you and your girlfriends had a good time?” Looking panicked, she grabs several items from her bag and says how much fun they had shopping, holding them up for her husband to see. He seems to accept this remark, and walks back out of the room. His tone of voice and body language suggest he’s not convinced. The camera is now on his wife. She sighs with relief, obviously having dodged telling the truth about her Las Vegas escapades. A soothing male voice-over intones the mantra, “What happens here stays here.”
This is all a very clever advertising campaign, but it is utterly destructive to any relationship. Every relationship in life is based upon the premise of trust. It is the cornerstone for a relationship between people, businesses, nations and God. Without trust nothing of significance would ever be accomplished or attained.
During my time as a Navy chaplain, one command I served with was a ship that was always underway. Of the twenty-seven months I was ship’s chaplain, our ship was gone from home port for twenty of those months. It was common to hear sailors talk about the various ports we were likely to visit. Most ports cater to man’s baser nature. Prostitution, alcohol, and an endless array of deviant activities are right there for the taking. The standard explanation from a married sailor for engaging in such behavior was passed off with a flippant comment that went like this: “What my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Sounds like the Las Vegas lament to me!
My wife, Isaura, told me that when the ship would sail out of home port, many of the wives would head right for the base club to hook up with some sailor who wasn’t deployed. I saw many marriages disintegrate during these times. Then there were those who were found out, either because rumors got around that so-and-so was seen visiting a place that a married man should not be visiting, or because their consciences wouldn’t let them rest, or because they brought home a sexually transmitted disease that they then passed on to their spouse. Such surprises do not make for happy homes. I can tell you, it was no fun sitting down with a man who realized the tragic mistake he’d made in believing he could play around and not be caught. “Chaplain, what do I do now?” is the Las Vegas lament. I remember the smug look on that same face when we pulled into a foreign port. Sitting across from me after having been found out, the smugness is gone now.
In an attempt to battle the forces of temptation, I used to invite the men to go on liberty with me. I assured them they would have a good time, that they’d remember what they did, and that it was something they could tell their wives and children about when they got home. Many accepted the invitation. I only wish more had done so.
It’s important to remember that such misbehavior does not go unnoticed. It causes a strain in the relationship even if neither spouse knows of the other’s unfaithfulness. It creates an atmosphere of distrust which will inevitably bring pressure on the marriage to the point where it will simply implode.
The Bible says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction.”
The number of marriages that are destroyed because of the deceptive thinking that you can get away with being unfaithful is known to God alone. Just as God is faithful in his love for us, we are to be faithful in our love for our spouse. Such commitment and trust makes for a solid marriage that is capable of weathering the worst storms of life. It’s also the kind of relationship everyone longs for.
Don’t be deceived by the Las Vegas lament. It’s not worth the moment of pleasure, and the price is too costly. But, then again, the perpetrators of sin in Las Vegas really don’t care what happens to you. They don’t have to go home with you!
The Las Vegas theme says, “What happens here stays here.” Interpretation: Come and play to your hearts delight and nobody ever needs to know. No doubt you’ve seen some of these advertisements. The most recent one shows a woman unpacking her suitcase. Her husband sheepishly ventures into the bedroom and says something like, “So you and your girlfriends had a good time?” Looking panicked, she grabs several items from her bag and says how much fun they had shopping, holding them up for her husband to see. He seems to accept this remark, and walks back out of the room. His tone of voice and body language suggest he’s not convinced. The camera is now on his wife. She sighs with relief, obviously having dodged telling the truth about her Las Vegas escapades. A soothing male voice-over intones the mantra, “What happens here stays here.”
This is all a very clever advertising campaign, but it is utterly destructive to any relationship. Every relationship in life is based upon the premise of trust. It is the cornerstone for a relationship between people, businesses, nations and God. Without trust nothing of significance would ever be accomplished or attained.
During my time as a Navy chaplain, one command I served with was a ship that was always underway. Of the twenty-seven months I was ship’s chaplain, our ship was gone from home port for twenty of those months. It was common to hear sailors talk about the various ports we were likely to visit. Most ports cater to man’s baser nature. Prostitution, alcohol, and an endless array of deviant activities are right there for the taking. The standard explanation from a married sailor for engaging in such behavior was passed off with a flippant comment that went like this: “What my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Sounds like the Las Vegas lament to me!
My wife, Isaura, told me that when the ship would sail out of home port, many of the wives would head right for the base club to hook up with some sailor who wasn’t deployed. I saw many marriages disintegrate during these times. Then there were those who were found out, either because rumors got around that so-and-so was seen visiting a place that a married man should not be visiting, or because their consciences wouldn’t let them rest, or because they brought home a sexually transmitted disease that they then passed on to their spouse. Such surprises do not make for happy homes. I can tell you, it was no fun sitting down with a man who realized the tragic mistake he’d made in believing he could play around and not be caught. “Chaplain, what do I do now?” is the Las Vegas lament. I remember the smug look on that same face when we pulled into a foreign port. Sitting across from me after having been found out, the smugness is gone now.
In an attempt to battle the forces of temptation, I used to invite the men to go on liberty with me. I assured them they would have a good time, that they’d remember what they did, and that it was something they could tell their wives and children about when they got home. Many accepted the invitation. I only wish more had done so.
It’s important to remember that such misbehavior does not go unnoticed. It causes a strain in the relationship even if neither spouse knows of the other’s unfaithfulness. It creates an atmosphere of distrust which will inevitably bring pressure on the marriage to the point where it will simply implode.
The Bible says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction.”
The number of marriages that are destroyed because of the deceptive thinking that you can get away with being unfaithful is known to God alone. Just as God is faithful in his love for us, we are to be faithful in our love for our spouse. Such commitment and trust makes for a solid marriage that is capable of weathering the worst storms of life. It’s also the kind of relationship everyone longs for.
Don’t be deceived by the Las Vegas lament. It’s not worth the moment of pleasure, and the price is too costly. But, then again, the perpetrators of sin in Las Vegas really don’t care what happens to you. They don’t have to go home with you!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Presumed Innocent?
This is the United States of America. In these United States a person is presumed innocent of a crime until such time as evidence proves otherwise – and that’s done in a court of law before a jury of peers taken from the citizenry.
I raise this issue because we are increasingly subjected to what I call, “Trial by Media.” Case in point: the current hot button topic about the alleged murder of 24 Iraqis by Marines in the city of Haditha. Did these Marines “snap” as one report suggests? Or is this “business as usual” as some politicians accuse? Or were these Marines exchanging gunfire with bad guys who are notorious for using women and children as shields, or simply as canon fodder so as to make Marines in particular, look bad, and the United States in general, to be in an awkward position on the international scene. There will be ongoing investigations, possibly some arrests, followed by a military court martial where the accused would be tried based upon the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).
Allow me to explain a few things here. First, a court martial is “a court consisting of military or naval personnel appointed by a commander to try charges of offenses by soldiers, sailors, etc., against military or naval law” (Webster’s Dictionary). Second, the UCMJ is the body of laws and legal procedures by which our military determines violations leading to arrests, trials and, if found guilty, imprisonment and/or less than flattering discharges from the military (The UCMJ replaced the Articles of War in 1951). And third, the city of Haditha, Iraq is a known snake-pit of insurgents and other bad guys, a city where even children celebrate in the streets the beheadings that take place there daily. Do not confuse Haditha with Mayberry!
But are we as Americans guaranteed a fair trial? Yes. Are we presumed to be innocent until proven guilty? Ummm – Maybe. “What?!” you say. That’s correct. It does not specifically state anywhere in our Constitution that a person is presumed innocent. The underlying premise of the Constitution affords all Americans this privilege, and it’s basically found in Amendments 5, 6 and 14 of the U. S. Constitution. The 5th Amendment says you cannot testify against yourself. For the purposes of this article, let’s look at the phrase, “No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.” This “due process” implies a person’s innocence and has done so for centuries. As for the 6th Amendment, we are guaranteed a speedy and public trial, and “to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of Counsel for his defense.” The 14th Amendment guarantees an American citizen their civil rights: “Nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”
I found it a bit unsettling that the actual words “Innocent until proven guilty,” or “presumed innocent” were not actually in the Constitution. On the other hand, our Bill of Rights was founded upon the “Principle of the Presumption of Innocence.” This is derived from Anglo-Saxon laws and cultures, which provides the person charged with a crime the presumption of innocence. Our rights and laws as Americans are based upon this assumption.
Surprisingly (at least to me), many other democratic nations have these words or phrases written into their rights. Take our northern neighbors for example. In section 11(d) of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, it states: "Any person charged with an offence has the right ... to be presumed innocent until proven guilty according to law in a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal." France (Yes! France!), in article 9 of the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, of constitutional value, says "Every man is supposed innocent until having been declared guilty," and the preliminary article of the code of criminal procedure says "any suspected or prosecuted person is presumed to be innocent until his guilt has been established." The jurors' oath reiterates this assertion. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and the Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms of the Council of Europe basically say the same thing: The Presumption of Innocence.
So let me ask this question: Why are there those in our country, politicians, military, and media, who are intent on accusing, trying, condemning and vilifying these Marines before they’ve been afforded the due process all Americans are entitled to?
Let me ask a personal question: Where do you stand on this issue? Will you withhold judgment until the accused have had their day in court? Or have you assumed their guilt simply because it makes for spicy news sound bites?
And finally, do you remember the “Golden Rule”? That’s where Jesus said to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
If this had been me with an M16 on fully automatic, kicking in doors looking for the bad guys who blew up my friend, I’d sure appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt. Until we know the facts, and a court of law has determined guilt or innocence, all Americans should hold their tongues.
Would that those with access to the media would heed this counsel.
I raise this issue because we are increasingly subjected to what I call, “Trial by Media.” Case in point: the current hot button topic about the alleged murder of 24 Iraqis by Marines in the city of Haditha. Did these Marines “snap” as one report suggests? Or is this “business as usual” as some politicians accuse? Or were these Marines exchanging gunfire with bad guys who are notorious for using women and children as shields, or simply as canon fodder so as to make Marines in particular, look bad, and the United States in general, to be in an awkward position on the international scene. There will be ongoing investigations, possibly some arrests, followed by a military court martial where the accused would be tried based upon the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).
Allow me to explain a few things here. First, a court martial is “a court consisting of military or naval personnel appointed by a commander to try charges of offenses by soldiers, sailors, etc., against military or naval law” (Webster’s Dictionary). Second, the UCMJ is the body of laws and legal procedures by which our military determines violations leading to arrests, trials and, if found guilty, imprisonment and/or less than flattering discharges from the military (The UCMJ replaced the Articles of War in 1951). And third, the city of Haditha, Iraq is a known snake-pit of insurgents and other bad guys, a city where even children celebrate in the streets the beheadings that take place there daily. Do not confuse Haditha with Mayberry!
But are we as Americans guaranteed a fair trial? Yes. Are we presumed to be innocent until proven guilty? Ummm – Maybe. “What?!” you say. That’s correct. It does not specifically state anywhere in our Constitution that a person is presumed innocent. The underlying premise of the Constitution affords all Americans this privilege, and it’s basically found in Amendments 5, 6 and 14 of the U. S. Constitution. The 5th Amendment says you cannot testify against yourself. For the purposes of this article, let’s look at the phrase, “No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.” This “due process” implies a person’s innocence and has done so for centuries. As for the 6th Amendment, we are guaranteed a speedy and public trial, and “to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of Counsel for his defense.” The 14th Amendment guarantees an American citizen their civil rights: “Nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”
I found it a bit unsettling that the actual words “Innocent until proven guilty,” or “presumed innocent” were not actually in the Constitution. On the other hand, our Bill of Rights was founded upon the “Principle of the Presumption of Innocence.” This is derived from Anglo-Saxon laws and cultures, which provides the person charged with a crime the presumption of innocence. Our rights and laws as Americans are based upon this assumption.
Surprisingly (at least to me), many other democratic nations have these words or phrases written into their rights. Take our northern neighbors for example. In section 11(d) of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, it states: "Any person charged with an offence has the right ... to be presumed innocent until proven guilty according to law in a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal." France (Yes! France!), in article 9 of the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, of constitutional value, says "Every man is supposed innocent until having been declared guilty," and the preliminary article of the code of criminal procedure says "any suspected or prosecuted person is presumed to be innocent until his guilt has been established." The jurors' oath reiterates this assertion. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and the Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms of the Council of Europe basically say the same thing: The Presumption of Innocence.
So let me ask this question: Why are there those in our country, politicians, military, and media, who are intent on accusing, trying, condemning and vilifying these Marines before they’ve been afforded the due process all Americans are entitled to?
Let me ask a personal question: Where do you stand on this issue? Will you withhold judgment until the accused have had their day in court? Or have you assumed their guilt simply because it makes for spicy news sound bites?
And finally, do you remember the “Golden Rule”? That’s where Jesus said to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
If this had been me with an M16 on fully automatic, kicking in doors looking for the bad guys who blew up my friend, I’d sure appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt. Until we know the facts, and a court of law has determined guilt or innocence, all Americans should hold their tongues.
Would that those with access to the media would heed this counsel.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Marriage Maintenance
Isaura and I were discussing topics for my next article this morning. “What should I write about?” I asked. She thought for a moment and then said, “Why not write about marriage and the things to do to keep it healthy?” Sounded good to me.
This coming weekend Isaura and I will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage, but I have learned a few things over the years. Allow me to address some of these in the remainder of this article. Admittedly, this is from a man’s perspective. So gentlemen, listen up.
First: Whatever you did when you were dating, keep doing it. These are the little things that act as cement in your relationship. These are the acts of kindness and consideration that caught her eye. It may be such things as: Opening the car door for your wife; Seating her at the dinner table; Helping clean up the dinner dishes; Smiling at her when she walks into the room; Sending her a card, flowers or candy just because; Remembering special days and times together; Washing her car; Splashing on a little after shave occasionally; Calling her just to say “hi.”
Second: Treat her with honor and respect. In many marriages, once the ring goes on the finger, the woman often feels like hired help, only without the pay. When this happens, your marriage is in trouble. The Bible says she is your “helpmeet.” This means she completes you as the man. She is there to help you, and you her, on the road of life. Focus on the word “help.” Never, ever speak poorly of her to anyone. If you do, you disrespect /dishonor her and yourself. “How do I disrespect/dishonor myself?” you may ask. Simple. You are the one who chose to marry her, and possibly have children with her. To speak ill of her is to point the finger back at yourself. This is why God says in Genesis, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” “One flesh” carries with it the idea that you are no longer two separate people. You join forces to forge a family. This can only happen when there is a commitment to one another.
Third: Your commitment to her must be absolute. For any relationship to survive, it must be built on trust. This begins with assuring her that though there are countless numbers of other women in the world, she alone is the one for you. So when you are out in public, keep your eyes on your wife. Allowing your eyes to roam is hurtful to your wife. She feels demeaned and insecure in the relationship. These are what I call termites in the marriage. If you allow them to live on, they will eventually bring the house down – in this case, the destruction of your marriage. Do not allow yourself to engage in any sort of pornography. Slick, professional looking magazines with innocent looking centerfolds, are an insult to your wife. Most likely your wife never looked that good in the first place. Even if she did, after a couple of kids and working to maintain a home, and possibly a career, she’s probably struggling to simply lose a few pounds, let alone compete with twenty-year-old pin-ups. Avoid movies that titillate your sexual interests. Despite what pop psychologists say, this is not healthy for a marriage relationship. And guys, stay off the porn on the internet. Period. It will diminish your interest in your wife. She deserves better.
Fourth: Love your wife completely. Paul’s words on love in I Corinthians 13 says it better than anyone else. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
When I counsel couples who want to get married, I’ll ask them how much they’re planning to spend on their wedding. Nowadays, that can be anywhere from $5000-$20,000 and more. So I say to them, “You’re going to spend X number of dollars on your wedding – a one day event. Fine! Now, take an equal amount of money and put it into a ‘Marriage Maintenance Account.’” My rational is this: You’re willing to spend a significant amount of money to launch your marriage. It seems reasonable to spend an equal amount on that marriage over the next fifteen to twenty years and beyond by attending marriage workshops and retreats, weekends together (just the two of you!), books and tapes on ways to build and improve your marriage, and so forth. Plan for the long haul!
So, let me ask you: How are you maintaining your marriage? I know you perform regular maintenance on your car to be sure it works as it should. Do the same with your marriage. If you follow these suggestions you will enjoy a healthy relationship. And remember this – God is the author and creator of marriage. Make sure you place him in the middle of your marriage.
This coming weekend Isaura and I will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage, but I have learned a few things over the years. Allow me to address some of these in the remainder of this article. Admittedly, this is from a man’s perspective. So gentlemen, listen up.
First: Whatever you did when you were dating, keep doing it. These are the little things that act as cement in your relationship. These are the acts of kindness and consideration that caught her eye. It may be such things as: Opening the car door for your wife; Seating her at the dinner table; Helping clean up the dinner dishes; Smiling at her when she walks into the room; Sending her a card, flowers or candy just because; Remembering special days and times together; Washing her car; Splashing on a little after shave occasionally; Calling her just to say “hi.”
Second: Treat her with honor and respect. In many marriages, once the ring goes on the finger, the woman often feels like hired help, only without the pay. When this happens, your marriage is in trouble. The Bible says she is your “helpmeet.” This means she completes you as the man. She is there to help you, and you her, on the road of life. Focus on the word “help.” Never, ever speak poorly of her to anyone. If you do, you disrespect /dishonor her and yourself. “How do I disrespect/dishonor myself?” you may ask. Simple. You are the one who chose to marry her, and possibly have children with her. To speak ill of her is to point the finger back at yourself. This is why God says in Genesis, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” “One flesh” carries with it the idea that you are no longer two separate people. You join forces to forge a family. This can only happen when there is a commitment to one another.
Third: Your commitment to her must be absolute. For any relationship to survive, it must be built on trust. This begins with assuring her that though there are countless numbers of other women in the world, she alone is the one for you. So when you are out in public, keep your eyes on your wife. Allowing your eyes to roam is hurtful to your wife. She feels demeaned and insecure in the relationship. These are what I call termites in the marriage. If you allow them to live on, they will eventually bring the house down – in this case, the destruction of your marriage. Do not allow yourself to engage in any sort of pornography. Slick, professional looking magazines with innocent looking centerfolds, are an insult to your wife. Most likely your wife never looked that good in the first place. Even if she did, after a couple of kids and working to maintain a home, and possibly a career, she’s probably struggling to simply lose a few pounds, let alone compete with twenty-year-old pin-ups. Avoid movies that titillate your sexual interests. Despite what pop psychologists say, this is not healthy for a marriage relationship. And guys, stay off the porn on the internet. Period. It will diminish your interest in your wife. She deserves better.
Fourth: Love your wife completely. Paul’s words on love in I Corinthians 13 says it better than anyone else. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
When I counsel couples who want to get married, I’ll ask them how much they’re planning to spend on their wedding. Nowadays, that can be anywhere from $5000-$20,000 and more. So I say to them, “You’re going to spend X number of dollars on your wedding – a one day event. Fine! Now, take an equal amount of money and put it into a ‘Marriage Maintenance Account.’” My rational is this: You’re willing to spend a significant amount of money to launch your marriage. It seems reasonable to spend an equal amount on that marriage over the next fifteen to twenty years and beyond by attending marriage workshops and retreats, weekends together (just the two of you!), books and tapes on ways to build and improve your marriage, and so forth. Plan for the long haul!
So, let me ask you: How are you maintaining your marriage? I know you perform regular maintenance on your car to be sure it works as it should. Do the same with your marriage. If you follow these suggestions you will enjoy a healthy relationship. And remember this – God is the author and creator of marriage. Make sure you place him in the middle of your marriage.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I Pledge
We’re in trouble.
I was listening to the Sean Hannity radio program the other day when he was doing his man-on-the-street interviews. The way this works is one of his assistants goes out on the street with microphone in hand where she invites young people to speak to Hannity live on the radio. He then asks them questions about our nation; questions any sixth grader should know. This particular day, several folks in their early twenties were interviewed.
To say that I was appalled and dismayed would be an understatement. The interview would go something like this: Sean: “Hey, howya doing?” Guy: “Great! How are you?” Sean: “Great, thanks. How old are you?” Guy: “Twenty-two.” Sean: “So what are you doing with your life?” Guy: “I don’t know. Just hangin’ out.” Sean: “Let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you know who the president of the United States is?” Guy: “Sure!” Sean: “So who’s the president?” Guy: “George Bush.” Sean: “Excellent! Who’s the vice-president?” Guy: “The vice-president?” Sean: “Yeah. The vice-president. You know who that is don’t you?” Guy: “Ummm. I’m not sure.” Sean: “You don’t know who the vice-president of the United States is?” Guy: “Not really.” Sean: “Do you know who the Secretary of State is?” Guy: “Uh, the Secretary of State?” Sean: “Yeah. The Secretary of State.” Guy: “Ummm. No.”
It’s about at this point that I can’t take it any more. That’s when Hannity shifts gears. Sean: “Can you recite the Pledge of Allegiance?” Guy: “The Pledge of Allegiance? I don’t think so.” Sean: “Oh sure you do! You know, ‘I pledge allegiance (pause) . . . to the flag (pause) . . .” Guy: “I don’t think I know it.” Sean: “Okay. Let’s try the National Anthem. You can sing the National Anthem can’t you?” Guy: “Yeah. I know that.” Sean: “Great! Give it to me.” Guy: “I don’t want to sing.” Sean: “Okay. No problem. Just tell me the words.” Guy: “Okay. Ummm. ‘America, the beautiful . . .’” Sean: “That’s not the National Anthem!” Guy: “It isn’t?” Sean: “No! The National Anthem starts like this – ‘O say can you see . . .’ Got it?” Guy: “Not really.” Sean: “Oh sure you do! Give it a try.” Guy: “Well, okay, ‘O say can you see . . . by the dawns light . . . over walls we watch . . .’” Sean: “Stop! You’re killing me here!” This, my friends, was merely one of many such interviews that revealed a paucity of knowledge about our country.
Allow me to reflect back on my childhood. Every morning in school we stood erect beside our desks, placed our hand over our heart and, in unison, recited the Pledge of Allegiance. The National Anthem was sung at every major event in town and ball games on TV. The community actually came out in force on Veterans Day, Memorial Day and the 4th of July. We had parades, ceremonies, speakers, and always solemn remembrances for those who died in the defense of our country. The town made a big deal out of Lincoln’s Birthday, and Washington ’s Birthday, by painting their images on store windows to remind folks of these two great leaders who will ever remain larger than life. Today we have President’s Day, a very politically correct change so as not to snub lesser presidents. Too bad. You see, not all presidents are equal. And Washington and Lincoln are clearly the greatest leaders our country ever had. We also used to celebrate Flag Day. Remember Flag Day? We still have it on the calendar. And that’s about all the recognition it gets anymore. It’s still held on June 14th.
When I joined the Marine Corps in 1969, every Marine recruit was required to learn the names of all the leaders in his chain of command. These names were drilled into our heads day after day and God help you if you messed up. At any moment a drill instructor might pounce on a hapless recruit, pressing his reddened face scant inches from his face, eyes bulging, barking a question: “Tell me maggot, who is the president of the United States?” The frightened recruit would immediately respond: “Sir! The President of the United States is the Honorable Mr. Richard Nixon, Sir!” “And who is the Secretary of State?” “Sir! The Secretary of State is the Honorable Mr. Henry Kissinger, Sir!” And so it would go.
When did we lose the sense of personal responsibility for knowing the basics upon which our nation is founded? The National Anthem has 81 words. The Pledge of Allegiance has 31 words. How hard can this be? Yet the generations coming up behind us don’t have a clue. And, what’s worse, they don’t seem to care.
Here’s a suggestion: Those of you who are older need to get involved in the lives of your children and grandchildren. Teach them to recite these wonderful expressions about our country. Show them a reverence for the sacred honor of our fallen men and women of the military on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Stop at a cemetery and place an American flag on the grave of a veteran this Memorial Day, Monday, May 29.
Someone needs to teach the children. Will you pledge to do your part?
I was listening to the Sean Hannity radio program the other day when he was doing his man-on-the-street interviews. The way this works is one of his assistants goes out on the street with microphone in hand where she invites young people to speak to Hannity live on the radio. He then asks them questions about our nation; questions any sixth grader should know. This particular day, several folks in their early twenties were interviewed.
To say that I was appalled and dismayed would be an understatement. The interview would go something like this: Sean: “Hey, howya doing?” Guy: “Great! How are you?” Sean: “Great, thanks. How old are you?” Guy: “Twenty-two.” Sean: “So what are you doing with your life?” Guy: “I don’t know. Just hangin’ out.” Sean: “Let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you know who the president of the United States is?” Guy: “Sure!” Sean: “So who’s the president?” Guy: “George Bush.” Sean: “Excellent! Who’s the vice-president?” Guy: “The vice-president?” Sean: “Yeah. The vice-president. You know who that is don’t you?” Guy: “Ummm. I’m not sure.” Sean: “You don’t know who the vice-president of the United States is?” Guy: “Not really.” Sean: “Do you know who the Secretary of State is?” Guy: “Uh, the Secretary of State?” Sean: “Yeah. The Secretary of State.” Guy: “Ummm. No.”
It’s about at this point that I can’t take it any more. That’s when Hannity shifts gears. Sean: “Can you recite the Pledge of Allegiance?” Guy: “The Pledge of Allegiance? I don’t think so.” Sean: “Oh sure you do! You know, ‘I pledge allegiance (pause) . . . to the flag (pause) . . .” Guy: “I don’t think I know it.” Sean: “Okay. Let’s try the National Anthem. You can sing the National Anthem can’t you?” Guy: “Yeah. I know that.” Sean: “Great! Give it to me.” Guy: “I don’t want to sing.” Sean: “Okay. No problem. Just tell me the words.” Guy: “Okay. Ummm. ‘America, the beautiful . . .’” Sean: “That’s not the National Anthem!” Guy: “It isn’t?” Sean: “No! The National Anthem starts like this – ‘O say can you see . . .’ Got it?” Guy: “Not really.” Sean: “Oh sure you do! Give it a try.” Guy: “Well, okay, ‘O say can you see . . . by the dawns light . . . over walls we watch . . .’” Sean: “Stop! You’re killing me here!” This, my friends, was merely one of many such interviews that revealed a paucity of knowledge about our country.
Allow me to reflect back on my childhood. Every morning in school we stood erect beside our desks, placed our hand over our heart and, in unison, recited the Pledge of Allegiance. The National Anthem was sung at every major event in town and ball games on TV. The community actually came out in force on Veterans Day, Memorial Day and the 4th of July. We had parades, ceremonies, speakers, and always solemn remembrances for those who died in the defense of our country. The town made a big deal out of Lincoln’s Birthday, and Washington ’s Birthday, by painting their images on store windows to remind folks of these two great leaders who will ever remain larger than life. Today we have President’s Day, a very politically correct change so as not to snub lesser presidents. Too bad. You see, not all presidents are equal. And Washington and Lincoln are clearly the greatest leaders our country ever had. We also used to celebrate Flag Day. Remember Flag Day? We still have it on the calendar. And that’s about all the recognition it gets anymore. It’s still held on June 14th.
When I joined the Marine Corps in 1969, every Marine recruit was required to learn the names of all the leaders in his chain of command. These names were drilled into our heads day after day and God help you if you messed up. At any moment a drill instructor might pounce on a hapless recruit, pressing his reddened face scant inches from his face, eyes bulging, barking a question: “Tell me maggot, who is the president of the United States?” The frightened recruit would immediately respond: “Sir! The President of the United States is the Honorable Mr. Richard Nixon, Sir!” “And who is the Secretary of State?” “Sir! The Secretary of State is the Honorable Mr. Henry Kissinger, Sir!” And so it would go.
When did we lose the sense of personal responsibility for knowing the basics upon which our nation is founded? The National Anthem has 81 words. The Pledge of Allegiance has 31 words. How hard can this be? Yet the generations coming up behind us don’t have a clue. And, what’s worse, they don’t seem to care.
Here’s a suggestion: Those of you who are older need to get involved in the lives of your children and grandchildren. Teach them to recite these wonderful expressions about our country. Show them a reverence for the sacred honor of our fallen men and women of the military on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Stop at a cemetery and place an American flag on the grave of a veteran this Memorial Day, Monday, May 29.
Someone needs to teach the children. Will you pledge to do your part?
Someone to Listen
I wish you could have been there.
Last Friday night the Stockton Ports baseball team hosted Agape Villages Foster Family Agency for May’s National Foster Care Awareness Month. Foster parents and their foster kids enjoyed a wonderful evening at the old ball game. The weather was perfect, and everyone had a great time.
Players from the team had a autograph session just for the foster kids and families before the game started. The team mascot was available to have his picture taken with the kids, helping make the whole experience one these young people will not soon forget.
My favorite part was watching one foster kid (I’ll call him Tim) interacting with his foster family. My wife, Isaura, had told me about this particular situation, so I was curious to see who these folks were. As the story goes, Tim, now eleven years old, just could not get along with anybody. He was previously with several foster families before winding up with his currently family. Something in this relationship has helped turn him around. You see, this couple was older. One spouse was still gainfully employed, while the other is retired. Because they have time to spend with the Tim, he has really opened up to them. They patiently sit and listen to him pour out his heart. For the first time in his young life, Tim has found someone who takes a genuine interest in him. Somebody actually sits and listens to what he has to say.
It is equally interesting to see that ethnic and racial differences do not matter. Tim is black, while his foster family is white. When I first saw Tim he was pushing a wheelchair around inside the stadium. Seated in the wheelchair was the adult daughter of the couple who has taken Tim into their hearts and home. She had recently had trouble with a leg requiring she be off her feet for a time. There she was chatting away with Tim as they wheeled around the concourse. The two of them acted as though they were the only ones in the place, having a marvelous time together.
The transformation in Tim has been so successful that I’m told he has become quite the evangelist in the neighborhood, exhorting his neighborhood friends to give their lives to Jesus. Quite a change for a young man who was going nowhere in a hurry.
You may be wondering just how many boys and girls are in foster care in the United States? The answer: Just over a half million. There are many more who should be in foster care, but for various reasons they are not in the system. These kids range from newborns to seventeen. The ones that seem to fall through the cracks are the older kids. Tim is fortunate. Many his age are considered “too old” by many families who prefer to take in a younger child – which also means a child who is more pliable and doesn’t have the baggage a pre-teen or teenager might have. These adolescents acutely feel the rejection, finding it difficult to fit into our society because they have come to believe they are not wanted.
One story recently drove home the problems associated with trying to care for these foster kids. A foster family took a newborn right from the hospital into their home. They loved this child like she was their own. Unfortunately due to the laws giving any family member rights to the child, an aunt showed up when the child was eighteen months old and demanded she be given custody. It broke the foster family’s heart. But that’s the law.
Foster kids are not inherently bad, as many might think. They’ve just had a rougher start on life than most. It’s not their fault, for instance, that their parents were druggies, irresponsible, and in every sense, unfit for parenting. Because these kids are often in such deplorable living conditions before the state finally steps in, they are frequently considered “damaged goods.” But as evidenced in Tim’s story, when people give of themselves sacrificially, even kids others have given up on can be redeemed. It takes courage and commitment. Is it worth it? Ask Tim and his foster family.
So let me ask you: What are you investing your life in? What will be your legacy?
Last Friday night the Stockton Ports baseball team hosted Agape Villages Foster Family Agency for May’s National Foster Care Awareness Month. Foster parents and their foster kids enjoyed a wonderful evening at the old ball game. The weather was perfect, and everyone had a great time.
Players from the team had a autograph session just for the foster kids and families before the game started. The team mascot was available to have his picture taken with the kids, helping make the whole experience one these young people will not soon forget.
My favorite part was watching one foster kid (I’ll call him Tim) interacting with his foster family. My wife, Isaura, had told me about this particular situation, so I was curious to see who these folks were. As the story goes, Tim, now eleven years old, just could not get along with anybody. He was previously with several foster families before winding up with his currently family. Something in this relationship has helped turn him around. You see, this couple was older. One spouse was still gainfully employed, while the other is retired. Because they have time to spend with the Tim, he has really opened up to them. They patiently sit and listen to him pour out his heart. For the first time in his young life, Tim has found someone who takes a genuine interest in him. Somebody actually sits and listens to what he has to say.
It is equally interesting to see that ethnic and racial differences do not matter. Tim is black, while his foster family is white. When I first saw Tim he was pushing a wheelchair around inside the stadium. Seated in the wheelchair was the adult daughter of the couple who has taken Tim into their hearts and home. She had recently had trouble with a leg requiring she be off her feet for a time. There she was chatting away with Tim as they wheeled around the concourse. The two of them acted as though they were the only ones in the place, having a marvelous time together.
The transformation in Tim has been so successful that I’m told he has become quite the evangelist in the neighborhood, exhorting his neighborhood friends to give their lives to Jesus. Quite a change for a young man who was going nowhere in a hurry.
You may be wondering just how many boys and girls are in foster care in the United States? The answer: Just over a half million. There are many more who should be in foster care, but for various reasons they are not in the system. These kids range from newborns to seventeen. The ones that seem to fall through the cracks are the older kids. Tim is fortunate. Many his age are considered “too old” by many families who prefer to take in a younger child – which also means a child who is more pliable and doesn’t have the baggage a pre-teen or teenager might have. These adolescents acutely feel the rejection, finding it difficult to fit into our society because they have come to believe they are not wanted.
One story recently drove home the problems associated with trying to care for these foster kids. A foster family took a newborn right from the hospital into their home. They loved this child like she was their own. Unfortunately due to the laws giving any family member rights to the child, an aunt showed up when the child was eighteen months old and demanded she be given custody. It broke the foster family’s heart. But that’s the law.
Foster kids are not inherently bad, as many might think. They’ve just had a rougher start on life than most. It’s not their fault, for instance, that their parents were druggies, irresponsible, and in every sense, unfit for parenting. Because these kids are often in such deplorable living conditions before the state finally steps in, they are frequently considered “damaged goods.” But as evidenced in Tim’s story, when people give of themselves sacrificially, even kids others have given up on can be redeemed. It takes courage and commitment. Is it worth it? Ask Tim and his foster family.
So let me ask you: What are you investing your life in? What will be your legacy?
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